Government’s gang busting laws get underway. “They’re going gangbusters already!” says Minister

Less than a week into the Government’s bold new plan to rid the country of gangs, many of the targeted gangs have closed down, ceased operations and instructed their members to hand back all affiliated clothing and learn to code.

“They’ve got the message,” Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith probably said. “Just as I knew they would. That’s what happens when you come up against a government with a Plan.”

The Plan, to rid New Zealand of crime and bad behaviour by banning all gangs except the National, ACT and NZFirst parties, entered Phase1: Banning Patches, Badges, Beanies and Embroidered Bumbags last Wednesday. By Friday, The Mongrel Mob, Black Power, the Killer Beez and the Woodville Ladies Lawn Bowls and Tapestry Auxiliary had all admitted defeat and closed their doors.

Paul Goldsmith, Minister of Justice, has dreamed of making NZ a safer place since his days as Hall Monitor at West Auckland Montessori

Minister Goldsmith is not ready to rest on his laurels just yet. “Our aim is to get rid of all gangs completely,” he said. “And to do that, we’re going to make gang life as uncomfortable as possible.”

Minister Goldsmith told WWNews that Other Plans to make gang life uncomfortable include banning thick padding on motorcycle seats and wool carpet at gang pads. “They’re going to have to use nylon floor coverings,” Minister Goldsmith explained. “And we all know how the static builds up with those. Any thugs slow to get the hint are in for a few nasty shocks, and then some.”

The Minister expects the gang problem to be completely fixed by January 15th next year, by which time most people will have forgotten about the Treaty Principles Bill debacle, and David Seymour.